The Well Behaved Child by John Rosemond

This book by John Rosemond both confirmed some of my original ideas with child disclipine – and totally threw others out the window. Whilst it was not quite what I was expecting,the book did concrete some ideas which could be implemented. I don’t think it is for every family and there seemed to be a bit of a condescending attitude towards children diagnosed with ADHD/etc. Whilst my child is none of these he still does not seem to fit into any of the definitions or suggestions in this book. I also found the tone a little condescending and patronizing towards anyone who has a child that is not perfectly behaved.

This book could definitely work in many homes and I was envisioning a little “angel” upon completing it. However I did not find easy reading and I disagreed with much of his reasoning. Some of the approaches I would like to try, but in the extremes he suggests as to me that it tantamount to shaming a child.

"Love and Respect" by Dr Emmerson Eggerich

My husband and I were not able to attend the “Love and Respect” course offered at our church. When I saw this being offered I grabbed it eagerly and was certainly not disappointed. It is certainly a marriage book with a difference as it focuses on two things – love and respect. Using “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33) It’s the kind of book where one chuckles and nods throughout.
Reading it has been a great time of conviction for me – I’ve seen how by respecting my husband, I respect and honour God. The book re-enforces how we see and interpret the same thing so differently. Reading it has helped me stop and think, “If I say this – how will it make my husband feel?”

Love and Respect are both verbs and this book shows how they are certainly nothing to be earned or deserved but yet a command from God. They are not mutually exclusive yet go together to complete a relationship. This book has sections that speak directly to the husband and the wife yet so plainly one can learn from both lessons.

People should also not wait for marriage to read this book! It’s also one that should be kept as a permanent reference guide in the home.

I received this book through the Thomas Nelson Book review blogger programme: http://brb.thomasnelson.com

Most us know all the scriptures that we can recite off pat, yet often it doesn’t hit were it needs to. That constant tugging of “what if” causes us to dwell on these thoughts and hold back many words and actions. With a cover picture that simply promotes freedom without reckless abandon, this book is a fast, simple read.

“Fearless” by Max Lucado once again uses common sense and practical ideas with bible teaching to help the reader see how unfounded and even silly most of our fears are. With the state that the world is in, it’s easy to expect the worst but ML reminds us that Jesus instructed us to “fear not”. It is written in plain simple terms so even people who don’t see themselves as accomplished readers could finish this in no time at all. ML’s attention to details and imagery is a delight and the reader can picture Jesus “walking in a scented, gardened valley of olive groves and luscious fruit trees”, which just adds to the pleasure of reading this book.

At the back of the book is a discussion guide that has a section for each chapter. It can be used for groups or individuals. This is definitely one of the best I have read from this gentleman’s collection. So instead of imagining the “what ifs” – imagine “why not” and as the book promotes, “living your life without fear”.

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Happy Birthday, Cameron!

Cameron and Mitchell have been friends since they have been about 18 months. Mitchell started at "Bread of Life" educare and Cameron was already settled in. When Mitchell left there to attend Carel du Toit Centre they remained friends and still had play dates.

These big boys are both in grade two now. Even though they attend different schools they remain close. They are born three weeks apart and each year Cameron's mom Wendy and I do the annual photo thing at each party, so we will be able to look back and see them growing up together.

Cammy has been such a great friend to Mitchell, and his mom has been a great friend to me. I really hope that this is a lifelong friendship for all of us.

So happy birthday, Cammy! We love you and your great family!

(and we are so looking forward to your nightwalk in the zoo tomorrow!)

Faith, fear and trust

People talk about our friend who always said his dad died when we was 46 and his time would be up then too. He always said it. Then when he was killed in that horror smash on 31st May everyone said "wow, he was right - amazing!" I thought - he got what he asked for. Now, don’t get me wrong – I’m not being cruel or insensitive but we are told all over the bible - we need to CONFESS life. The church we used to attend taught us to watch what we say. The bible tells us that LIFE AND DEATH are in the power of the tongue. Proverbs 18:21: "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof." And in 18:20: "A man's belly shall be satisfied with the fruit of his mouth; and with the increase of his lips shall he be filled."

Even the world has caught onto this – all the child experts and shrinks, whatever – tell us to build our children up and to tell them they are clever and pretty, etc --- and they will live it out. Now, if the world can get this why can’t we get something that was divinely inspired thousands of years ago?

Doctors have given me a poor prognosis but I don't care what they say. And it doesn’t mean I am dying either. So many people automatically assume the worst is going to happen and I used to be one of them. Sure I am scared - but that doesn’t mean I am not trusting. In Psalm 56:3 David wrote, "Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You,". When he wrote this, he feared for his life! People wanted him dead and he knew it!

Now, sometimes we can get into condemnation and think that if we are afraid we are sinning. Read Romans 8:14-15 “because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

I used to think that this meant that if we were afraid, we were wrong! I realized a few days ago – it’s okay to be afraid – that’s where faith steps in! Faith is not the absence of fear - it's holding onto God when you are afraid.

God gave me this promise - Isaiah 38:5 - and note it does not mean i have 15 years LEFT - but he will ADD them to my life. and they will be good ones.

In those days Hezekiah became mortally ill. And Isaiah the prophet the son of Amoz came to him and said to him, “Thus says the LORD, ‘Set your house in order, for you shall die and not live.’” Then Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the LORD, and said, “Remember now, O LORD, I beseech You, how I have walked before You in truth and with a whole heart, and have done what is good in Your sight.” And Hezekiah wept bitterly.

Then the word of the LORD came to Isaiah, saying, “Go and say to Hezekiah, ‘Thus says the LORD, the God of your father David, “I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; behold, I will add fifteen years to your life. I will deliver you and this city from the hand of the king of Assyria; and I will defend this city.”’ “
This shall be the sign to you from the LORD, that the LORD will do this thing that He has spoken: “Behold, I will cause the shadow on the stairway, which has gone down with the sun on the stairway of Ahaz, to go back ten steps.” So the sun’s shadow went back ten steps on the stairway on which it had gone down.
A writing of Hezekiah king of Judah after his illness and recovery:


Hezekiah wrote it himself, after his illness AND RECOVERY! He’d been told get his affairs in order as he was going to DIE – yet God spared him! He recovered! He was afraid, cried out to God – that little bit of faith is what saved him.

Be blessed.
J.

Mitchell was born two months prematurely and had to fight for his life. I was already a high-risk pregnancy and anything that could go wrong did!

We as parents had to intercede and stand in the gap for him as the paediatrician did not expect him to survive. We chose to trust God for a miracle and Mitchell had a miraculous turn-around. The paediatrician said "he's not out the woods yet" and I knew he did not expect him to survive. Mitchell, through God's grace defied all odds and survived.

By the age of three we had been told he was “slow” and “backwards” – the pre-school teacher even did not want to “promote” him to the next class with his age group. He displayed many problems such as speech impairment, deafness, impulsive behavior and frustration. On recommendation of a teacher we took him to a speech therapist and she discovered he was deaf due to extreme blockage in his ears. We were referred to an ear specialist who confirmed 30% deafness as his Eustachian tubes were not draining. This was caused by the abnormal size of his tonsils and adenoids – they were so large the sinuses could not escape. Just after his third birthday Dr Richardson performed and adenoid/tonsillectomy and myringotomy.

However, speech and impulsive behavior was still causing a problem at preschool and the speech therapist visited the school and saw the extreme frustration caused by a mainstream environment. He was referred to Carel du Toit Centre. This organization functions as an extreme-learning/reinforcement pre-school, although they insist they are a “centre”, not a school. Here Mitchell learned to speak all over again. There was tremendous improvement in the quality of his speech and listening skills. He became much more confident and generally enjoyed learning. It was suggested that he may be autistic as he showed uncanny abilities in building puzzles (he would turn the puzzle over and build it by the pattern on the back) and occasionally ran on his toes. Upon examination by the paediatrician it was confirmed that he is definitely not autistic. He is on medication for the impulsive behavior, along with asthma medication and pills to avoid migraines which he takes daily.

I refused to accept anything that the doctors and teachers said about Mitchell. We attend Christian Revival Church (CRC) and every week I would take Mitchell up for prayer, even if I had to fetch him from the Childrens’ Church.

Mitchell began to grow in leaps and bounds. He grew from a child that was really too timid to say “Boo!” to goose and began showing much more assertive and confident behavior.

Today he turns eight. I've seen him grow from a teeny baby that could fit into the crook of my arm to a little (big) boy that earnestly loves Jesus, and knows how God works in his life. He speaks such wisdom and insight into my life aleady. He brought home so many 4s in his report last semester as well!

Happy birthday, my great-big little Blessing! Mommy loves you lots like jelly tots!

It's not ABOUT the petrol!

My Father in Law has been fetching me from work the past few months. Mainly because due to being sick, I cannot work a full day and certainly cannot even control the steering in a car. Driving right now would be really dangerous.

So we’ve left the keys with him. We also let him use the car to take himself and my mother-in-law to the hospital for regular check-ups. And when she was there for six weeks, he used it about three times a day to go see her and take her supper (I thought St. Dominic’s food was vile, Frere was ten times worse!). Of course, he and Tazz’s Angel sister threw in R20 from time to time, which was about 2.5 litres at the current cost …..

We asked if he was taking her to work each day with it. They vehemently denied this. Of course then were the times they wanted to use it to drive up to the Spar for SIX BREAD ROLLS! Never mind that the trip for that costs more than the rolls. Then a visit to the other Spar (we live pretty much the same distance between two Spars) for cigarettes for Cliff’s mom. Oh? That Spar doesn’t have so let’s just double back and drive aaaaaall the way to the other one for then. Can’t stop and get them at any of the shops in between as they will cost too much. We’re not paying for the petrol or the wear & tear on the car so let’s just drive it up and down!

A few weeks back I did not go to work as I was sick. Heard the car starting up around 07:30, Tazz’s sister walked to the gate and his dad drove out – the two of them toddled off together. Of course when Tazz asked them – “no, we needed to go to Spar and we dropped her off there and she walked to work from there”. Ja, right. And the pope is Jewish. No worries that they insist they will never take the car without asking.

The next week I wound up being sick again, and so once again did not go in to work. Roll on 07:30 ---- what happens?

Now, the part that got me riled up enough to make this post…..
Friday afternoon his dad came and asked if they could use the car for shopping. I said it was fine. Four and a half hours later they return. I of course commented about a mega-shopping trip (now, all they had to spend was a disability pension so not like they could go to a lot of places) and told Tazz they must be jolling everywhere. They said “we picked up a lot of stuff and then put it back”. Don’t know if they picked up every single item at OK then. Hope they dusted the shelves at the same time!

Saturday I went over to the flat on our property where they stay. Roo, our niece was eating chips smothered in Tomato sauce. So I said, “cool – left overs for breakfast? Yummy!”

Roo (5 years old) replied, “Ja, from the BEACH!” Straight away Angel said “no, darling we didn’t go to the Beach!” Roo insisted they did. Angel turned to me and said, “we didn’t go to Windmill – we walked up to Mr Delivery, ordered and they brought it” (strange how I never heard that delivery as we were home).

Saturday Tazz’s dad and I were in the car with Papen. Papen had been swimming and we stopped at a Spar within the same road as the swimschool as Tazz’s mom “needed” smokes. They didn’t have her brand. So out of the way we go to Ashmel Spar. No brand. So then he wants to go to the other Spar. I said to him again, “this cannot continue, please! Not for one lousy pack of cigarettes”.
Reponse? “Ja, you’re right.”

So we are in Devereux Avenue, in the fast lane, on the middle of an end-of-the-month Saturday morning and ……

Uh-uh-uhhhhhh. Phut! Martha cuts out. C says “and now?” I leaned over, looked at the gauge and was mortified as the car had run out of petrol. I say “mortified as I had put in a few days earlier and had used nowhere NEAR that amount. I really did NOT want to call Tazz and basically invoke his wrath. Plus this was in the middle of a downpour and although he had gone to work he was sick. I called him and whilst we were waiting for him a traffic cop stuck her head in the window and asked what the problem was.

She helped us freewheel backwards into a side street. Idiots that are on the road can SEE she is stopping traffic for us, can SEE our hazard lights on – but still want to try do stooopit things?? I dunno sometimes. Anyway, Tazz got there already in a terrible rage, filled us up and then we got home.

He was so cross about it – not running out of petrol but WHY we had run out – he knows I always make sure there is enough. This is why I never fill the tank, I know that if I do they will just ride it all out. I was pretty angry myself. I’ve been driven around by enough people and am so thankful for that, so don’t think I am cross about all this. It’s just the assumptions and just taking my car and lying about it! The thing is registered in my name – so I’m the one that’s responsible for it!

So now keys have been taken away. Tazz has put his size 11 down and said “car is used for papen’s swimming, my treatment, and his folks’ hospital visits”. He has also told them that he wants to see the hospital card to prove that was the reason they took it.

I so hate having to do this but I suppose if they have been proven untrustworthy what can we do?

It doesn't get easier!

In fact, it gets harder!

When Papen was a baby and we had the nappies (diapers!) and potty training, and the crying, the asthma and emergency visits to ER, the waiting in the NICU and all those things parents go through, everyone said "don't worry, as they get older it gets easier!"

Well, it doesn't. They start coming home with their little hearts broken as some other child has been mean to them, or hit them - or done something. There's been times I've wanted to march to that school, grab a certain child and shake him until his teeth rattle! If it wasn't for Christ in my life I am sure I would be one of these psycho mommies that does just that.

However, I can't fight his battles for him. He has to learn to stand on his own two feet, and to be able to deal with issues like this. He and I will both look a bit silly if he is 45 and I go and punch out his boss one day or something! All I could do was contact the teacher, speak to her and at least she was aware of this and subsequently moved this other child as far away from his desk as possible.

So it doesn't get easier, things just change.

Special Moments

I love being a mother. I love hugs and kisses and giggles and sharing special moments with my boy. We've taught him (hopefully) to be tough but also so share feelings. On the way home yesterday he hands me his board with "I love you Mommy" written on it. One of those times where my heart just melts and shatters into a million pieces. One of those moments where I wish that I could freeze time and just have that closeness forever.

Dress-up Day

I'm a mom who loves these days as much (if not more!) than any child. To be able to throw in a whole lot of ideas, make a child feel like a king, or a pirate - (or a cat burglar!) for the day ... what a pleasure. It helps them feel special, stimulates the imagination and just generally is an opportunity for FUN!

Mitchell had been looking forward to one last term, but it was changed to "sunglasses" day - and was bitterly disappointed. I consoled him by saying that at least now we had made the outfit so it was all ready for the next chance we could get. Now, by saying "made" - I certainly don't mean that I sat my bottom down by a sewing machine and crafted some delightful creation. Nope, I bought a headband, some false hair extension type stuff - and sat down and began to braid the hair, putting feathers and acrylic type wool into it. Then I looked in the toy chest and the wardrobe to see what we had that we could use.

The jeans were hand-me-downs from CB (one of his heroes who had outgrown them) - had been stitched and repaired so many times they could not be stitched anymore --- so I made cutoffs (which is fashion statement anyway). The hook, earring, cutlass, hat - was donated by a kind friend's mom. The bandanna was another kind friend's mom. Eye patch and ring - from a party favour for a pirate party he attended last year (dressed as a pirate of course!) Cummerbund - left over from SIL's first wedding 12 years ago. So I had a blast, looking through this stuff, dancing and weaving around like Molly in Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium after she finds her "sparkle".

When we discovered that there was dress up at the holiday care(SA schools on holiday!) , there was great anticipation and celebration in the land.

I drew on his face, dressed him up and delivered him to Holiday Care - wrapped in a Spiderman blanket as there was no way to put a jacket or jersey on him, thanks to the newspaper-filled parrot puppet I had pinned to his shoulder.

Went to fetch him later and was excitedly told that he had won first prize - an Ola Moo ice cream. In our house it is never, ever too cold for ice cream!

Only question is - where is MY ice-cream?

Tick Bite

Papen has tick bite "fever" - not quite at the fever stage yet as we caught it in time. He came to me on Saturday evening complaining that he was sore - he showed me where it hurt and he has a ginormous lump there. Of course everyone was telling me "HERNIA!" but I knew it wasn't that. Not that I have a medical background, but he had a hernia op when he was three months old ... so experienced there.

Called the doc and she said it really sounded like a gland. She told me to treat it symptomatically and so we did. Yesterday I took him in. Doc confirmed it was a gland, and of course asked if he had hurt his leg anywhere. I told her that he had a very nasty bite on his bum - and by the time we got to her it had pushed out. Apparently it takes a few days to do this? She immediately identified it as a tick bite. Almost funny as the first thing Tazz and I did upon seeing that lump was examine him all over - toes, testicles, etc... and there was nothing.

The good thing - we caught it in time before it started manifesting as Tick Bite Fever. So he started the antibiotics last night and should be as right as rain soon.

SMSed some people - thanks to JB for calling - and for praying for him over the phone. I heard it and he was standing next to the car whilst she was praying - truly thought he was going to wind up being slain in the Spirit right there in the pharmacy parking lot!

My great-big little boy is going to be fine!